I insist, I need to share this, I am overly stressed right now because of accidentally falling inlove (admit that “accidentally inlove” song of counting crows as the BGM of this part, shortly - perhaps for roughly three seconds only… and go alter it now with a very sad song… uhm… like Pusong bato? And…). As I was writing, I am in love with someone whom I can vividly describe uninterested with someone mainstream like me. Why not? I am just the typical nonsense little earthling with that heavy and ugly shell awfully attached at my back (an exaggeration). I will never ever be paired with that person with that golden wand and wardrobe slaying dragons and ogres and domesticating them afterwards during full moons because I just can’t be. Realization is, it was really absurd and very stupid of me to fall for that person. How pathetic I was for making myself believe that we have a lot of things in common, that we have the same favorites, same interests and hobbies, that maybe, just maybe we’re meant for each other. I must get myself over with that online stalking and those romantic daydreams when at the end of the day, it will always be just a dream. And maybe now, lamenting would never be ideal. Maybe I need to grow up now. I need to see the world realistically and start moving with my brain and mind functioning fundamentally rather than using my heart as the chief officer of my will. Instead of drenching my hanky with weakly tears, I will write poems. I will let the power of words burst for what I feel inside. I am full grown now and I need to be strong. Not for others but more importantly for myself.
I hate those people who think they’re better than you just because they have “more faith”… I have faith… and for me it’s just the right dosage… not too little that you are full of doubts… and not to much that you are being blinded by it.
Falling inlove to someone whose regards about you is as mediocre as a withered leaf in a tree is blatantly awful. It’s like enjoying the magical beauty of an overlooking illegally. Your existence is not realized – worst is if people will be doing a catcall hissing at you to stay away, to evaporate. It’s an insult you can’t be invulnerable of. Being empathically expressive of what you want to burst in your heart will never be understood… nor heard. You have no fair right to be jealous of others romantically close to the one you love. You just can’t because you’re not allowed. Yes, ofcourse you can cry. Cry until you can provide cascading torrent of rushing tears of black and white clowns with their blind master until they’re unhealthily dried of death. For falling inlove to someone whose regards about you is as mediocre as a withered leaf in a tree is blatantly awful. You can plea death.
My mouth is cemented by your crafty lies. My teeth are wounded and my tongue tied. You seem so pale but your paleness is not sickly. Perhaps my breath wasn’t enough to supply black blood in your heart. You sold my tears and you invested with fears. You never heard my sobs you never glanced at my frowns. Hope you knew how much I love you. Hope you knew I’m always with you.
This is blissful buoyancy I am feeling right now. “Darwin topped both”. Both… both refers to two prelim exams I luckily scored the highest. Exam on ED 7: The Principles of Teaching 2 and Research 1: Seminar on Thesis Writing. I am really collecting confidence around now to boast this wonderful achievement of mine because this achievement is really an achievement of honor and victory after a bloody and ruthless war. These were the subjects I fear to fail because I must never ever earn failing grades my entire life as a trying hard college student. Another thing is, there is only one chief who’s handling those untamed subjects… which I and the rest of the class fear the most. My forever review before the exam day is now paid-off. But the battle is not yet over. I need to clean-shaven my sword again first and I also need to borrow Athena’s armor shield. I need to win the battle completely. Like I am bad and mad.